RAF Cottesmore in Rutland is to close as part of MOD cuts, it was revealed today. Whilst the news was greeted with dismay by those who depend on the base for their living, others welcomed the decision. Ms Dot Terel, spokesperson for the Union of Transvestite Waders said “this is excellent news for our members who have often attempted to stop at this site in the past, only to be tragically sucked into the engines of Tornados and Harriers or shot at by bored Military Police thinking they were Red-legged Partridges.”
Local birdwatchers were also jubilant on hearing that the base is to close. “Hopefully we can now set up our expensive spotting scopes and huge telephoto lenses and look onto the airfield without being arrested and interrogated as terrorists or mistaken for sad, socially inadequate plane spotters,” said Mr Eric Twatt of the Leicestershire and Rutland Otorhinolaryngological Society.
Cottesmore’s oldest resident, Ezekiel Clunge, 97, was more forthright. “That’s grand. Now I might get some fucking peace and quiet without those bastard planes thundering over all the time,” he said.
Their delight may be short-lived, however: scores of greed-crazed property developers have already been reported snouting around the area like truffle pigs, on the scent of obscene profits to be made from turning the airfield into ‘affordable housing’.
